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Cracked Lists 5 Least Useful Army Men

From my “I wish I thought of that” list comes a funny, but true, article/list from about the plastic army men. It’s called “The 5 Plastic Army Men Least Useful in Combat”.

Take a look.

In the one plastic army men set, there is a second set I haven’t posted yet, I only have the mine sweeper guy and the gun holding binocular guy in a more flattering pose. I’m surprised I didn’t get either of the two variations of the just binocular guys.

There are a couple of pretty useless army men that probably could have been included from my set had the list been longer.

Communications Brown Army GuyCommunications Army Man

This guy is almost posing while talking on his cell phone. This is the classic annoying guy you see who is always answering his phone at the most inopportune times. He would stop whatever he was doing, like shooting if he actually had a gun, to take that call that will only last a “minute” with the giant antenna allowing him to have good signal strength anywhere on the planet.

Oh, and the phone ringing would likely would alert everyone to his position because he forgot to set it to vibrate.

Crawling Brown Army GuyCrawling Army Man

This is a view the enemy helicopters have of the guy when flying overhead. He’s still making his way to his designated shooting spot and the crawling is probably taking longer because he is trying to hold his gun while he crawls.

Without aiming their gun like their smarter colleagues, the best they can do when they are spotted is to play and hope the enemy doesn’t decide to make sure they aren’t just playing.

The guy can’t stand up and leaning him up against something is just really dumb looking. Pretty useless.

Cracked’s rules of the game are quite humorous to. What? You didn’t know they had rules? That’s because there are no rules.

They even have a link to a stop motion video using plastic army men. It’s almost ten minutes long and it must have taken a long time to make.

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