Reviews of Cheap Toys and More

Pirate Binoculars

Skull and CrossbonesI found this pair of binoculars at the local Save Mart dollar store. It’s a pair of binoculars for pirates because, well, it says so. I guess marking things with a skull and crossbones makes it pirate. Well, that’s not fair, skull and crossbones also indicate that something is poisonous. In this case it’s probably a warning to stay away, one I chose not to heed.

It turns out it was the latter, Har Har. Upon some research into the subject, the skull and crossbones symbol with the bones below the skull is the pirate symbol and the skull with the bones behind it means poison. Well, the bones are behind the skull on the symbol on the binoculars so they are poisonous binoculars. At least they aren’t trying to hide the danger anymore. Just kidding, they just mixed up the symbols, or did they?

Pirate Binoculars
The Poison.. Er, Pirate Binoculars.

Pirate Binoculars Neck StringThe binoculars are covered in a black and gold (lead?) paint job. The black string wrapped around the binoculars is the neck strap. Yes, you get a neck strap. They shelled out a little more, and kept it priced at a dollar, so you can let it dangle from your neck like a cheap necklace. Of course it’s a very thin string that a paper cut would sever. Other than that, there isn’t much to them. No other accessories, just a pair of binoculars.

I don’t think pirates even used binoculars anyway. I know they used small telescopes or perhaps monoculars, but I doubt they used binoculars. Maybe they didn’t need binoculars with one eye covered with an eye patch, that would just look ridiculous.

So now you are wondering if this thing actually works, if you read this far you must be wondering whether or not it works. Well, unlike the dart sniper rifle that had the sniper scope but no glass or plastic to magnify anything, the binoculars have plastic lenses. Take a look at the pictures below to see just how well it actually magnifies an object. I grabbed my South Park Kenny keychain.

South Park Kenny Keychain Viewing Kenny through the Pirate Binoculars

Does Kenny look any different to you? Didn’t think so. The plastic lens is just for show, not to magnify things, so it’s useless unless you intend on pretending you can see things closer. Although, I don’t recommend looking through them for very long either. The plastic is not quite clear and probably messes with your eyes if you look through it for too long. I didn’t used to wear glasses!!!

Pirate Binoculars: just for looks, not for looking.

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